A child's view.

Trigger warning: this episode discusses molesation, rape, sexual & emotional abuse & mental health.

Listen to Tamika as she shares her experience that no child should have to go through.

This story is as sad as it is inspiring, with Tamika being able to bring such vulnerability and courage as she shares her story. 

Thank you Tamika for being brave enough to share this part of you, and emboldening other women to be brave enough to share their story.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Welcome to the Uncommon Exposé, where it's my mission to connect, empower and embolden all women through lived experience to erase shame, disconnect and judgment. If you have an open mind, then I'd love for you to join me as I share these women's stories. Trigger warning, the following episodes discusses topics including molestation, rape, sexual assault, emotional abuse, court proceedings, drugs and mental health, all related to children and adults. Good morning, welcome to the podcast The Uncommon Exposé. I am here to share, I think your story is, I genuinely have never met or known anyone who's had the experience that you've had. So I'm so grateful for you for being open and willing to share this part of your life with me. So I will get you to just introduce yourself and then in, as we do with all the episodes, we're going to jump straight in. So let's go.

SPEAKER_00: 1:10

Awesome. Well, thank you for having me. My name is Tamika. I am 28. I have three young children. They range from eight to three months old. Yeah. The baby is here with us today. He is. So if you

SPEAKER_01: 1:24

hear some chatting, you know that it's not Tamika. And some patting. Patting, yes.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31

So yes, I guess I'll start with, I'm one of five children. I grew up in a small country town. in Queensland. My parents separated when I was nine. And so my mum, there was my mum and myself and then my three siblings, we moved down to Goodna. So we lived in Ninango, which is, I think it's about four and a bit hours from here. And we moved down here. One night, I remember I was at school and mum came to school and said, do you know how dad gets mad sometimes? Well, we've got to go. And I was at daddy's school. I was like, oh, is dad okay? Like, oh, what's going on? And so, yeah, we just ended up in Goodna with a man called Victor who was on the fireys the local rural fireys with my dad at the time and um so when she said when your dad gets angry does she mean violent well she never put anything more to it all I remember her saying is you know how dad gets angry sometimes my dad's a very old fashioned farmer and so he'd be very to the point he would yell at us and stuff but yeah not violent that I remember and yeah there was no other reasoning on us just up and leaving except for that so

SPEAKER_01: 2:58

maybe he was violent to her but not to you or maybe violent in her head

SPEAKER_00: 3:02

maybe maybe and so yeah we came down to Goodner after school and we stayed with one of Victor's friends we ended up squatting on that house so there was my mum Victor there was two people that lived with us in Enango as well they were adults with their daughter staying in this house as well and I remember I don't remember how long we were there for but I remember one day the police coming and saying you can't actually live here and so they put us up in a motel I think it's now Heather's Heaven in Goodner there and yeah so we stayed there for a little bit and then Victor got us a place in Rosewood somewhere and then my mum had another boyfriend so we sort of hopped around from when I was nine to, we sort of settled around 10, 10 and a half, closer to 11.

SPEAKER_01: 4:00

So was Victor your mum's boyfriend, or was he just a friend that she had who was helping you out? Maybe like a friend with benefits?

SPEAKER_00: 4:07

Yeah, look, I would say friend, but I do remember when we first came to Goodnet that first ever night, my younger sister and I were watching Disney Junior or something or other, and I remember turning around and mum was kissing Victor So, yeah, I don't know. But, yeah, he was very helpful. He's an important key to remember in my story later on. And so, yeah, we sort of jumped around. And I went to, from year one right up until I graduated high school, I've been to nearly 16 different schools. Wow. And that is mainly in that space of... nine years old to about that 11-ish age. We were moving just constantly. My dad ended up hiring a private investigator because he had no idea where we were. We had literally just vanished. Anyway, so we ended up moving in with one of Victor's friends in an angle again.

SPEAKER_01: 5:15

She

SPEAKER_00: 5:17

was a young mum with daughter at the time and she had a boyfriend so we were staying there for a while and then she said look you can't stay here anymore which is fair enough like there's this lady with four children yeah I get that and so her boyfriend at the time said look I own my house you can live with us so her boyfriend was Victor's brother okay so we ended up moving in with him his name is Fluffy and he is very important to my story so when we first met fluffy we were on the balcony of this lady's house i don't remember her name and he was having a cigarette and um then he took us to see his house i think like that night or something and i hated him just i i did not like him he'd done nothing to me at this point yeah i just did not like him um and is that something that is that a feeling that you would normally get

SPEAKER_01: 6:17

towards people do you remember remember?

SPEAKER_00: 6:19

No, but as an adult and a mother now, I think that it's important to acknowledge if a child doesn't like

SPEAKER_01: 6:27

an adult.

SPEAKER_00: 6:29

It's, I think, intuition maybe.

SPEAKER_01: 6:31

Yeah, they say dogs and children go when someone's not good. Yeah,

SPEAKER_00: 6:35

and so we ended up moving in with Fluffy and my mum was sleeping in his bed the first night that we moved in with him. Yet again, don't know if they were dating at that time or not, but I remember feeling that, oh, what

SPEAKER_01: 6:54

are you

SPEAKER_00: 6:55

doing? And yeah, so we were there and then we sort of, it was all good for a while and then mum and Fluffy sort of started fighting and we ended up moving to Maidenwell. Then that is when he started to molest me. So we moved out of his home up into Maidenwell and mum and him were still dating. And there was one night mum and I were just, you know, I was a preteen. We were button heads a fair bit. And Fluffy said, oh, do you want me to take the girls? Give you a break. Mum's like, yeah, cool, thanks. So he did. So we were sleeping in his bed with him that night.

SPEAKER_01: 7:42

Sorry, we just cut a little bit out. Your sister, who's 11 months younger than you are.

UNKNOWN: 7:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 7:48

Yeah, and so I woke up in the middle of the night and his he was on my right breast.

UNKNOWN: 7:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 7:55

And I remember saying to him, what are you doing? And he said, you told me to. Now, my age, I always get confused with how old I was, but I would have been around that 10, 11 mark. Yeah, okay. Right? So, yeah, so I then grabbed my sister and we slept sort of outside his room in the lounge room living area for the night and then the next morning he was taking us to school and we woke up and he didn't say anything, I didn't say anything. You were 10 though. Even if

SPEAKER_01: 8:41

a 10 year old, 11 year old, 12 year old did say to him please do that, you're an adult. You say no and you say no that's inappropriate. In my opinion you correct that behaviour as The adult. Yeah. I don't think that you would have done that.

SPEAKER_00: 9:00

No, well, because you're in, like, as a child, you're, like, when an adult is doing this to you, they're the adult. That's

SPEAKER_01: 9:08

exactly

SPEAKER_00: 9:08

right. They know right and wrong. That's right. Yeah, so we then moved back in with him. Yeah, I think, too, like, when you, yeah, as an adult, they're the ones that you trust their instincts, so to speak. So, yeah, we've moved back in now. So we've moved back in from Maidenwell into his house. And nothing sort of happened for a few months, I'd want to say. And then my mum and younger sister went into town, which is about a 30-minute drive. And I was in my room. I came out of my room and he was on the couch watching porn. So I'm still about that year... I'm about... 11 years old-ish about now and I remember seeing it and I was like oh sorry and I went to turn back to go back in my room and he said no like come out here and watch it and I was like no no like it's okay like it's fine and he's like no come out here and watch it sort of like in that more deeper authority sort of voice and so I did I came out and I sat down and I was just not watching the TV I was looking everywhere else as possible and then from there he said I'll come sit on my lap and I was like no like it's it's okay he's like come and sit on my lap and so I did and I could feel his his penis start to get hard under his jeans and he was sort of just like thrusting with with me on his on his lap and then I think mum came we could hear her coming up the driveway and yeah that was it that was my I was able to get up and go into my room I don't really remember remember that that I guess grooming sort of thing that they talk about pedophiles doing which I think is really important to label him as a pedophile yes you know that's what he is um um that they they groom and so that sort of lasted a while and it was it was just fondling and um oral for a good 12 months so

SPEAKER_01: 11:24

sorry when you say oral can you elaborate

SPEAKER_00: 11:26

a little more on that of course so it would be he would make me give him oral um and then occasionally he would give me oral but i don't like i don't remember that happening a hell of a lot yeah um and so every every night without fail he would smoke a 20 pack of cigarettes so every night he would have to go into town to to get another packet of cigarettes now my mum and i Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. the first time he penetration raped me. It was three days before my 13th birthday. And I remember that because after he'd had sex with me for the first time, I started my period. So it's just, yeah, I remember that three days before my 13th birthday. So that sort of fondling and that went on for a good 11, a good month, like a few months, let's say. And yeah, so I was 12 turning 13. I was in year seven. He said that we had to go to Kingaroy, which is a little bit more than 30 minutes. It's the town over from Ninango, bigger town. I can't remember what it was, but it was us going to Kingaroy was just an excuse for him to have sex with me. And so it was, I remember we were in the back of his car and he told me to just take one leg out of my pants. I must have been wearing either jeans or shorts, something. And he said, I'll just take one leg out because then it's easier. easier to put back on like you don't have to take all your pants off and so yeah then sex became him having sex with me was almost a nightly occurrence from then and we didn't exit that situation until I was almost 14 so that's a good 12 months of penetration rape he'd showed me a video once of my mum and him having sex so he'd obviously recorded it on one of those old old sort of cameras, like video recording cameras. And yeah, and then just like, just disgusting things. Like just, yeah, it was really... Yeah, yeah. had had maybe my younger sister going through that she would have

SPEAKER_01: 14:47

was it just you then he didn't do it to any of you

SPEAKER_00: 14:51

she tried he allegedly he tried on my on my younger sister and i believe his go-to is the touching of breasts while you're sleeping because she'd woken up and said oh fluffy had had um I had a dream that Fluffy had touched my breast. And so Mum had... Mum and my older brother put it to him and, you know, oh, no, I didn't do that. So I guess that was his sort of tester. And then had you said something, OK, I know not to do it again. I don't know, but perhaps. I did tell... So I had a really good friend when I was in Year 7... And I told her that he was having sex with me. So her mum was friends with Fluffy as well. And her mum had told Fluffy, oh, Tamika had said this. And so he said to me, like, you need to go and tell her that you're lying. Like, you know, he was very upset and understood that, okay, this could get him in trouble.

SPEAKER_01: 15:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 16:00

And so, yeah, I told my friend, oh, I'm lying. Well, fast forward once we... Docs had been involved and all the rest of this. She actually came to me when I was 16, 17 and asked if I was telling the truth because he had done something similar to her. So in year eight, my younger sister and I had like 80-something days off, I think. It was term three. Something so severe. And so with us not going to school, school had contacted Docs and then they've gotten involved. We also had 13 tips that fluffy was um a pedophile or something along that line yeah yeah and um so yeah docs came to school and sort of asked had he ever done anything and and i was like no like no definitely not you know because my entire this entire four years it's you can't tell anyone do not tell anyone

SPEAKER_01: 17:06

you're so formative at 10 yeah like the you just trust parents to be doing the right thing because that's what you do so if he's telling you not to say something you just blindly trust that children would

SPEAKER_00: 17:19

of course of course you know and for some messed up reason I sort of started to Yeah. Yeah. And was he...

SPEAKER_01: 17:55

Like saying nice things as well as physical acts? Yeah, definitely. Like telling you that you were beautiful and things like that?

SPEAKER_00: 18:03

Yeah, definitely. His things were gifts. He'd be gift-giving. So I remember one Christmas, he got my younger sister and I a laptop each, but my laptop was bigger and I could play CDs and DVDs, but she just had a smaller laptop. Yeah. Yeah, so it was... And he got me the Hannah Montana movie. So that shows where my mentality sort of age was as well. And yeah, so she, so my friend had called me once, sorry, once docs had come in, they said that they, mum picked us up from school and my sister and I told her what had happened. And by the time we got back to our gate, the lady was there who interviewed us and she said.

SPEAKER_01: 18:53

So gate, like of your house?

SPEAKER_00: 18:55

Yeah. No, no, sorry, the gate of our house. And she said, you can't take them any further. You would go up there, pack a bag, and use that to leave tonight. We've got emergency accommodation for you already set up if you wish to take that. But you can't take the girls any further. You can pick them up from our office in Kingaroy whenever you can tonight. Otherwise, then they'll go into emergency care. Yeah. Mum did. She came to pick us up. Then we went down to, we stayed in a motel. Then we went and stayed at a woman's refuge in the Gold Coast hinterland. Yeah. Not for very long. Then we moved in with my dad. So I was about that sort of 14, 14 age. We moved in with my dad and dad raised us from there on. Yeah. And so it was, you know, about two, three years after living with dad my friend had called me and asked if it was true and I remember I remember thinking like shit this is a trap I'm on speaker and he's on the other end like this is and I was like no like no it's not and she said look like my lawyers police whoever it may have been at the time had said to her if you've got more evidence maybe if like there was more people your what he's done to you isn't quite enough

SPEAKER_01: 20:22

if

SPEAKER_00: 20:22

you've told anyone or like you could get more evidence, I guess, it could help the case. So I guess that's what she was trying to do is get more evidence. And so I didn't tell anyone. I told my auntie briefly about it and my cousin, but I didn't speak of it from when we moved in with my dad up until I was about 18. I then met my two older children's dad when I was about 17, moved in with him when I was 18. And his older sister was folding washing one afternoon and was telling me about what sort of happened to her. Very similar story. Quite literally, I word vomited, me too. And she was like, oh, like, what's your story? What happened? And I just like out with it. So then she told her mum, which I get, like, this is heavy. I totally understand if you have to tell somebody. She told her mum and I remember her mum and I were at indoor cricket that night and she said have you ever thought about going to the police and I said oh no definitely not like I'm fine now you know sex I can have sex it doesn't affect me I don't have nightmares like I'm good and she said that's good and well I'm glad you're good but who's to say when you're 40 50 he's dead you've got a business married have children you've got the life all set up that these memories don't haunt you and come back then who's to say that he's not doing it to other children that other children is what got me because I remember when I was 16 we went to a pumpkin festival which is in a local town near where we're from I went with my dad my step mum at the time step siblings and my younger sister and I remember walking on the road past him so this is two years after we'd sort of gone We've exited his house, right? Yeah. Haven't spoken to him, nothing. My dad and I and step-siblings were walking past him this way. He was walking across the road the other way, holding hands with a young girl that looked about 10. And so when my mother-in-law had said, what if he's doing it to other children? Yeah. I remember seeing her face and thought, God, like, what if? Yeah. You know? And so that week we went to... the police and I'd done my statement and I remember every day I used to say it never happened it was like clockwork every day I'd say it never happened hoping that I would forget that it didn't happen

SPEAKER_01: 23:10

just trying to repress it convince yourself

SPEAKER_00: 23:14

and so when I went to the police and started doing my statement it all just came back to the colour of undies I was wearing and how old i was like my memory was just it all came back and then um yes i was i'd done my statement for a good probably two three hours i was in the police office for yeah and then my arresting officer said look for another bit of evidence we could call him the catch is I can't get his number. You have to source his number. We will call him at the station and it will all be recorded. But my arresting officer couldn't be in the room with me either. Nothing could be coached. He couldn't tell me what I could say. Nothing. So anyway, we... So in

SPEAKER_01: 24:06

doing that, were they trying to get him to confess to you? Yeah. And you had to get it out of him however you could?

SPEAKER_00: 24:13

Yeah, but my arresting officer also couldn't say... that could you get him to confess either. So I got his number from the young girl that had called me a few years prior and thankfully he had never changed his number. So I called him and I just tried to be so cool and I said, oh hey Fluffy, it's Tamika. I just want to talk to you about what you've done to me when I was younger. Something along those lines and he's like, oh, like, you know, I've been waiting for you to call me to give you money. And he's like, come on, like, don't do this to me. You know, that other bitch is suing me, meaning my friend who had called me a few years later. So she, because she didn't have enough evidence to charge him, I guess she was advised to sue him. Okay. And I just kept saying, like, oh, look, I just wanted to give you the heads up that I'm going to go to the police about what you'd done to me when I was younger. Had I been a little bit older, I would have said... You don't think having sex with a 13-year-old is wrong, but I haven't spoken to this man for a good four years. And

SPEAKER_01: 25:28

it all seems to be moving quite quickly and lots of things are coming up at one time that I would assume you don't have a lot of mental clarity to be directing a conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 25:40

Yeah, and I didn't know what to say or anything. Anyway, so I walk out and I'm like, thumbs up to my arresting officer who was like... yeah it's done anyway he ended up hanging up on me and what not which is fine that's fine and so yeah my arresting officer listened to it and he's like yeah that's good thankfully that was allowed to be used in court and so court took I was 18 it didn't go through until I was 21 like a week before my 21st birthday so I'd gotten married and then court was sort of there and then it was my birthday sort of all within a month of each other so yeah so I had court my wedding and then my 21st birthday all within like 3 weeks of each other and court had taken from when I was 18 to 21 he had so he pleaded guilty at one point and then sacked that legal team so they're gone he's not guilty anymore we start back off And then... Do

SPEAKER_01: 26:51

you remember what he was being charged

SPEAKER_00: 26:54

with? Nah, I don't. He ended up getting... Spoiler alert. He ended up getting 50 years. Yeah, not

SPEAKER_01: 27:03

enough.

SPEAKER_00: 27:05

With eight years that he has to serve. So he can get out next year, next April. Yep. Yep. Oh,

SPEAKER_01: 27:15

my

SPEAKER_00: 27:15

God. Yep.

SPEAKER_01: 27:19

That's just...

SPEAKER_00: 27:23

It doesn't make sense at

SPEAKER_01: 27:25

all.

SPEAKER_00: 27:27

It doesn't mean to say he will get out next year, but he can apply to get out next year.

SPEAKER_01: 27:33

So he pleaded guilty, fired

SPEAKER_00: 27:36

that legal team, hired someone new. Yep. And then we finally got to court. One of my witnesses had died.

UNKNOWN: 27:45

Oh!

SPEAKER_00: 27:46

So we're at court now. Like, it's this big build-up to... We had to go up to Maroochydore. Yeah. Yeah, because it was in Nenango and that was, like, the whatever court. So we've, like, driven up there and it's, like, this big, you know, suspense to this to then DPP's, like, you actually can't... I don't know if it was DPP or his lawyer that said, well, no, she's dead. So, yeah. How

SPEAKER_01: 28:11

would she die? Natural causes,

SPEAKER_00: 28:12

do you know? Yeah, so it was actually my friend who... My friend who... The

SPEAKER_01: 28:17

one who called you?

SPEAKER_00: 28:18

Yep, so her mum. Because I told her mum... Well, I told her who then told her mum. Yeah. Yeah, so it was her mum who had died. And then, yeah, thankfully we finally got through it all. But... I wouldn't, I would not recommend it to anyone.

SPEAKER_01: 28:41

Even though I'm sure that your statements and things impacted his ruling, you wouldn't do it again?

SPEAKER_00: 28:53

had i had i known that my outcome would be the outcome it would be yeah yeah i probably would do it again

SPEAKER_01: 28:59

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 29:00

the amount of women that i know that that go go to court and go through all of this and they don't win oh like and it's it's that

SPEAKER_01: 29:11

because it would be like he said she

SPEAKER_00: 29:13

said it is it is he said she she said exactly and had i not i guess told so many people along the way or had that phone call

SPEAKER_01: 29:24

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 29:24

the outcome could have been totally different

SPEAKER_01: 29:26

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 29:27

totally different you know and even even just like And where is the justice? Like, he got charged 50 years but only has to serve eight?

SPEAKER_01: 29:39

Yeah. What's the point? Yeah. What's the point? Just give him eight, which is not enough at all. But, yeah, I don't know how the legal system works either.

SPEAKER_00: 29:51

Yeah. And then when you think, like... The thing, I've done a lot of research around pedophiles and I believe that there are two kinds. One that is an optimistic, so i.e. they've never been sexually attracted to children until they date a woman and she has young children, they're left alone, there's an opportunity. Then there's the other one who is sexually attracted to children. As you and I are sexually attracted to males or, you know, I believe it.

SPEAKER_01: 30:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 30:28

He perhaps is... It's

SPEAKER_01: 30:29

like

SPEAKER_00: 30:30

a biologically driven desire. Yeah, and...

SPEAKER_01: 30:34

Or a chemically driven, I guess,

SPEAKER_00: 30:36

maybe. Yeah, like, I would like for there to be more studies to do within pedophiles. Like, is this more of a chemically imbalanced sort of something or other?

SPEAKER_01: 30:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 30:49

Is it, you know, like, is he generally sexually attracted to children? If that's the case, well, then let's get... get not just him because there's heaps of them you know let's yeah i don't know let's get them far away if it was if it was more acceptable maybe for them to get help and say hey i've had these sort of thoughts

SPEAKER_01: 31:15

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 31:15

i don't know like it's very it's a touchy topic yes i understand what you're saying

SPEAKER_01: 31:21

though yeah yeah to yeah be able to come to before action yes before action when it's still an intrusive thought being able to seek assistance to prevent any action taking place yeah yeah there is something like a tablet or

SPEAKER_00: 31:38

yeah well yeah who knows who knows you know

SPEAKER_01: 31:41

really it's an empathetic sympathetic point of view for you to have yeah yeah like to be trying to consider someone who's done something horrific and multiple people who do these horrific things you're still sitting there thinking like what if there was a way to stop this but help them at the same time yeah rather than i

SPEAKER_00: 32:08

don't i like how you're making me sound right now but i don't know if it's so much i want to help them i think that

SPEAKER_01: 32:17

help would be prevention

SPEAKER_00: 32:18

yeah yeah like we could help so many more young people young children, rather than, oh, they all deserve to be hung. Well, that's never going to happen, is it? No, yeah. Like, it's...

SPEAKER_01: 32:31

It's unrealistic.

SPEAKER_00: 32:31

Yeah, that's not going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how that would work. I don't... Yeah. Unless, like, at bare minimum, we should have a sex registry thing like what the states do, where you can see how many... I guess that's sort of, yeah, there's pros and cons to it all. Just don't think they

SPEAKER_01: 32:57

should

SPEAKER_00: 32:58

be let out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 33:00

Yeah. Once you're charged, that's

SPEAKER_00: 33:02

the end. See, so even that they shouldn't be let out comes down to once you're charged. So once you've offended,

SPEAKER_01: 33:07

once

SPEAKER_00: 33:08

you've already done the damage.

SPEAKER_01: 33:10

Yeah, that's

SPEAKER_00: 33:11

true. If we can put them somewhere before they do the damage. Yeah.

UNKNOWN: 33:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 33:19

Well, we're here trying to save work. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 33:22

Let's chat about global warming

SPEAKER_00: 33:25

as well. It's such a long battle then. It doesn't end. I remember the court stuff. I was totally... I thought that I saw him everywhere. I truly thought he was following me and he wants to get to me because I'm getting to him, I guess. Yeah,

SPEAKER_01: 33:54

like put a hit on you. Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah. I can't speak for

SPEAKER_00: 33:59

myself. My mind was just crazy then.

SPEAKER_01: 34:03

Yeah. I can absolutely imagine how and why you would be like that.

SPEAKER_00: 34:08

I would be as well. Yeah. And so, you know, I'm sort of working with my, therapist now about possibly next year him getting released and that sort of thing but yeah it's the mental hurt of it it doesn't end and then having children although I'm a better mother for what has happened to me we're very body aware and we don't keep secrets we're a very open little family Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01: 34:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 34:51

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 35:02

We can... I would love to... I love having kids at my house. We can have as many kids as we want. There's always kids at our house. That's fine.

SPEAKER_01: 35:10

And you would happily have someone sleep over at your house? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 35:13

Yeah. Yeah. I guess because I know that... I know they're safe. Yeah. And then I know my kids are safe. Yeah. You know, I don't... Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 35:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 35:22

So it's...

SPEAKER_01: 35:24

Did you find that, like, that person's mother had said that it did impact you later? Yeah. Like, with being in a relationship, and I know that we just spoke about parenting, but, like, did things re-come up for you at any

SPEAKER_00: 35:39

point? Oh, definitely, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, when I said to her, I'm fine with sex. Yeah. No, I cannot do missionary. I can't, like, it's, no, I don't like it. Triggering. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 35:58

What about, like, just physical affection?

SPEAKER_00: 36:03

Yeah, I mean, definitely, yeah, yeah. I once dated a man who was quite skinny and... Fluffy was quite skinny. Yeah. And so I've normally only dated people of a bigger build, like wider shoulders, musclier, that sort of thing. Yeah. Not realising until later on I dated this skinny stick that, oh wow, like just the feel of him and him hugging me was constantly triggering me. Yeah. Like, yeah, facial hair, Fluffy had like a, what is it, like a... Goatee? Yeah, exactly. yeah like those yeah down past your lips handlebar yeah yeah i don't like facial hair unless it's full-blown beard grown out i don't like that prickly feeling yeah not not for me yeah um and look maybe later on there'll be there'll be more triggers that i that i find but yeah it's

SPEAKER_01: 37:07

it's like part part of you

SPEAKER_00: 37:10

yeah yeah yeah yeah it is I think too, like not forgetting that everything happens for a reason. Yeah. And yet again, that higher power, there was a reason why that happened. And then I got the justice, not only for me, but for my friend who he touched after me. When we first moved to Nananga with my mum and dad when I was six, the rumour of the town, now being a little town, there's lots of rumours. The rumour was fluffy and his dad were going That little bit of justice was then served to them or her.

SPEAKER_01: 38:06

And what about Fluffy's brother? Yeah. Whose name I can't remember

SPEAKER_00: 38:12

now. Victor.

SPEAKER_01: 38:13

Yes. Did he have any idea that anything was?

SPEAKER_00: 38:17

Yeah, look, once Mum and Fluffy got together.

SPEAKER_01: 38:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 38:21

Yeah, I don't actually remember seeing him.

SPEAKER_01: 38:23

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 38:24

Too much, like he wasn't really around or. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 38:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 38:29

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So.

SPEAKER_01: 38:31

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 38:32

yeah I think that's the end of it

SPEAKER_01: 38:35

oh my god thank you for sharing your story we were just paused it a couple of times um but yeah you've just you've spoken so well and just shared your story so clearly I'm gonna have to stand um so thank you so much but I would just this is um what would you what was your what would your piece of advice advice be to either yourself going through it all again or maybe to someone who's in a similar situation or knows someone who's in a similar situation something like that what would you say to them

SPEAKER_00: 39:15

I would say to myself so younger me it's it's going to be okay like it's all going to be great

SPEAKER_01: 39:25

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 39:26

and then to somebody else tell your story

SPEAKER_01: 39:29

yeah

SPEAKER_00: 39:29

tell it I know previously I said I would personally wouldn't go through court again so I don't mean necessarily tell an officer but it's your story

SPEAKER_01: 39:39

don't

SPEAKER_00: 39:40

let what happened to you don't be ashamed of what happened to you you know like share it and tell as many people as possible it gets easier the more times you tell it and I think too like it's something to not be ashamed about whether it was just rape you know you were out or whether you were preyed upon it's you are not in fault I don't care if you were wearing just a bikini you are not the one that done the damage share your story

SPEAKER_01: 40:16

yeah that's so beautiful well I've told you this before this is the first time that I've heard your story from start to finish you gave me a little bit of like this is my story and I would like to share it but I had no idea that it was so intense and But you're such a beautiful human and such a good mum and you're so funny and you're so witty. And I just think that you've just come out of this whole dynamic and situation in such a beautiful place. Thank you. I know you're welcome. So I'm so grateful to you for coming on and sharing this experience. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 40:53

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_01: 40:54

No worries.